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The Way I Used to Be, by Amber Smith
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Review
"The Way I Used to Be explores the aftermath of sexual assault with a precision and searing honesty that is often terrifying, sometimes eerily beautiful, and always completely true. It is The Hero's Journey through a distorted circus mirror--one girl's quest to turn desperation into courage, to become a survivor instead of a victim. Amber Smith gets it exactly right." (Amy Reed, author of BEAUTIFUL and CLEAN)STARRED REVIEW “This is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life….Teens will be reminded of Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak. VERDICT An important addition for every collection.” (School Library Journal)“A difficult, painful journey, but teens who have experienced rape and abuse will be grateful for this unvarnished and ultimately hopeful portrait. Eden’s shell-shocked narrative is an excellent narrative conduit for what Smith has to say.” (Booklist February 1, 2016)"This is far from a feel-good read, but I can’t implore how necessary it is to read a book like this one . . . As unforgettable and stirring as Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak, Smith’s provocative debut is best described as a survival story with hope and anger serving as prominent themes so fully explored they simmer off the page." (The Young Folks)"Readers will root for her as she gathers the courage, at last, to speak up." (B&N Teen blog)"The Way I Used To Be is an intensely gripping and raw look at secrets, silence, speaking out, and survival in the aftermath of a sexual assault. A must-have for every collection that serves teens." (SLJ / Teen Librarian Toolbox)"Easily one of the hardest books to read on this list. Brutal, raw and emotional… Eden’s story gets told on her terms, in her voice. An honest look at one teen’s struggle to find her way back to herself, to mold herself into the survivor she is." (FANGIRLISH)"THE WAY I USED TO BE promises to be meaningful, significant, and truly unforgettable." (FIKTSHUN)"Don't let a book of this magnitude pass you by. Pick it up and read it because Eden's story demands to be read." (Once Upon a Twilight)"With an achingly beautiful narrative and carefully crafted plot, The Way I Used to Be is more than just an excellent book; it’s an important one." (NOVEL NOVICE)
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About the Author
Amber Smith is the New York Times bestselling author of the young adult novels The Way I Used to Be and The Last to Let Go. An advocate for increased awareness of gendered violence, as well as LGBTQ equality, she writes in the hope that her books can help to foster change and spark dialogue surrounding these issues. She grew up in Buffalo, New York, and now lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her partner and their ever-growing family of rescued dogs and cats. You can find her online at AmberSmithAuthor.com.
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Product details
Hardcover: 384 pages
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books; 1st edition (March 22, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781481449359
ISBN-13: 978-1481449359
ASIN: 1481449354
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 1.2 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
273 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#65,478 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
It’s been a long time since I’ve written a review, and I’m writing this minutes after finishing “The Way I Used To Be.†In the hundreds (thousands?) of books I’ve read in my lifetime, I’ve never related to a fictional character more. I read the last ten percent with tears in my eyes, hating that it had to end but knowing there would be some relief once it did.This book is heartbreaking on so many levels. Aesthetically, the writing is absolutely gorgeous – I can’t believe this a debut, and I will preorder every one of Amber Smith’s following books without even bothering to read the synopsis. From page one you are captivated by this story, and it was near impossible to put down. It’s been a long time since I’ve finished a nearly 400 page book in 24 hours.It hurt to read sometimes, because reading Eden’s words felt so much like reading my own thoughts, both as a teenager and now. We don’t have the same story, but books like this are necessary because they remind you that you don’t need to have the same experiences as someone to understand their journey. Emotions are universal. The struggle to overcome any trauma is nearly indescribable, and yet Smith did this in a way that made it seem almost effortless. I rarely read the same book twice, but this is a book I will revisit time and time again.I don’t know what else to say. Oddly, words don’t seem like enough. This book was so much at once. If I had to choose one word, I’d choose beautiful – but even that doesn’t encompass everything that it is. If you’re reading this review on Amazon or Goodreads, please, please, please go and buy it. I’m a stranger to you, but I promise you won’t regret it.I know a lot of people read books to escape, but I’ve always read to connect. Never before have I connected so completely with a story. I dreamt about it last night after reading nearly half of it in one sitting, and I think I’ll dream about it again tonight. The scenes were so vivid, the characters so completely real. I think it might be another lifetime before I feel this way about a book again. I almost hope it is.
In The Way I Used To Be, we are introduced to Eden a fourteen year old girl who endured a horrible breach of trust in a person whom her family accepted into their family. Caelin, her brother has been her protector and friend. They were close until he went away to college. When he went away to college the family dynamics changed. Her father no longer had his buddy to root for in sports. Her mother no longer had the responsibilities of doting on him. The household seemed empty and lost without him. He was the glue that held the family together.This story is broken down by each high school year. For Eden high school became about the groups, rules, and cliques. Eden didn’t fit into any groups or cliques. Nobody stood up for people like her and Mara who got bullied. Not fitting is not something that gets talked about. Eden realized she was suppose to accept their behavior. After all she believed it was her problem that others bully her because she was too weak to stand up to them. Eden knew better than this, but she feels like her family, her friends, and the school system has failed her.We watch Eden cope by finding alternate ways to avoid the negative attention placed upon her. Both Mara and Eden explore areas that garner them the necessary reprieve they are looking for at certain moments in life.Eden just wants to blend in and be normal and finish school unscathed. It’s an adjustment and one that’s difficult to manage with no role model to follow. Eden is a young teenager trying to navigate the tough years of adolescence in high school. Eden goes through some very awkward stages in her high school years. It’s completely understandable considering the circumstances. The rape not only violated her body but her mind as well. Eden is confused and doesn’t know how to express the feelings taking place within herself.I found Eden’s character to be quite relatable given the circumstances of her relationship with her parents, brother, and Kevin. Her stages of rebellion were the best ways for her to deal or cope with these confusing feelings when she lacked a support system.I was so afraid to read this book due to subject matter inside. I got to say Amanda Smith made it easy to read. Rape is a scary word and when attached to a persons age and the identity of that person it’s even more alarming. I didn’t want to read about a rape, yet Amanda made sure to be careful with how she wrote that scene. I survived because Amanda was cautious enough to focus on the aftermath of that situation. That’s what I strived for, in this book an opportunity to read about one girls struggle with a toxic secret that ruined her life.
I was hooked after the first paragraph. I absolutely love Amber Smith's writing style. She's very narrative, and that's something I like from authors. Eden's story is so unique and relatable, I feel even to those who aren't victims of sexual assault. I related to her depression so much, in a way, that the book was hard to read at some points. This is the first book that really made me FEEL! I could read this book over and over again. It's addicting.
This book is so incredibly intense that it's virtually unputdownable.I read 300 pages tonight in one sitting.This story is brave. It exposes the truths that sexual assault can happen to anyone, its damage lasts a lifetime and manifests in many forms, and it affects so many people in the victim's circle.But it's also not a happy journey. It's realistic. It will stop your heart as she avoids the truth and attempts to cover the pain and refuses help.Yet, I respect the ending and finished satisfied. It should be required reading for everyone age 14 and up....because it's a harrowing and ugly truth that needs to be addressed.No means no.
This was a heavy book. It was a fairly quick read, as I finished it in less than a week. It started out with tragedy, then went back and told the story beforehand, and what happened afterward. It's sad that what happened completely shaped Eden, resulting in her morphing into a new person--and not a good one, either. I wish it would have been just a little longer, or at least contained an epilogue, just to witness justice. But I think readers will work out for themselves what happens next.
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